Cruise Chronicles Day Four: A Grand Adventure

March 14, 2011

It was an early wake-up call once again, as I arose at seven o’clock for a shower and breakfast.  While I was showering and breakfasting, the ship was pulling into our first port of call for the week, Grand Turk in the Turks and Caicos Islands (TCI).  At approximately 8:15, I got off the ship for the first time in some forty hours, as Dad and I left for the cruise center.  A taxi, driving on the left side of the road, took us to the Grand Turk National Museum, where we saw some artifacts from the oldest known Atlantic shipwreck.  The wreck occurred sometime in the early sixteenth century, most likely between 1511 and 1513, off the third largest reef in the world, located in the TCI.  The small and quaint museum kept our interest for about a half an hour, when we headed back to the cruise center.

Next was the real fun of the day:  Christopher and I took an excursion that involved a kayak ride up and down one of the creeks on the north side of Grand Turk.  Our bus driver to the kayak center, Conroy, gave us a great view of the island and some history tidbits about TCI.  Our crew of two-person kayaks was led by the great Captain Max and nature guide Juanito.  The kayak trip took us downstream to see some mangrove trees and a wrecked barge.  The barge had been part of a two-boat team assigned to widen the creek when it ran up on the shallow water of the reef.  The TCI officials left the barge where it was, and now the only pair of osprey on the island make their home in that boat.  We then headed back upstream, ending at a nice beach, where we walked up a hill for a short time and were introduced to such plants as the buttonwood and prickly pear.  Back on the beach, we learned about sea cucumbers, two different kinds of sea urchins, starfish, and conch.  We were treated to fresh conch meat; there was no preparation other than removing the creature from its shell and cutting the meat in order to portion it out.  We rowed back downstream to the kayak center, where Conroy picked us up and returned us to the cruise center.

After running back up to drop some stuff in the stateroom, it was to the beach for a quick lay-out to end the afternoon in Grand Turk.  Some facts about the island, and Turks and Caicos:

• Grand Turk is seven miles long, and up to two miles in width, with a population of 4,000.
• There are two former US military bases on the island: a Navy base on the north end, and a Marines base on the south.
• The TCI are a part of the British West Indies, a part of the United Kingdom’s colonial holds.
• The primary industry of the islands was the salt trade for a long time, but their production has either diminished or been outshined by other industries, such as tourism.
• In 1962, John Glenn became the first American to orbit the earth from outer space.  He landed in the waters near Grand Turk, and his landing capsule is displayed outside of the international airport.
• Outside of the Islands, there is the third largest barrier reef in the world, behind the one in Australia, and one in South America.  The water landside of the reef can get anywhere from thirty-five to fifty feet deep, but the reef has a 7,000-foot dropoff.
• In 2006, Hurricane Ike passed over TCI as a class five storm.  The Hurricane, as it is simply referred to by the locals, devastated the islands.  Many establishments are still recovering from the storm five years later.

Back on the ship, I enjoyed a relaxed Lido lunch as I once again listened to Charlie and the Hal-cats (the bass player, incidentally, was on our kayaking shore excursion) send the ship off on its way to San Juan, Puerto Rico.  After some rest in room 7028, it was time for dinner.  Tonight’s fare consisted of a delicious Caribbean soup, a Caesar salad, and a couple slices of pork with Caribbean seasonings and dressing.  The meal was fantastic, and I walked it off with a mile around the Promenade.  The night’s activities included another memorable stay at the piano bar.  Trivia tonight consisted of 1960’s Name That Tune.  Alone, I was a point away from the winning score.  Unfortunately, I was a one-man team, so I didn’t win.  Some sing-along with Eric and the rest of the piano bar visitors ended the night, and the rocking of the ship and the Jack Black classic movie “School of Rock” put me, eventually, into a very restful sleep.

Cruise Chronicles Day Three: A Day Asea

March 13, 2011

Oh sleep, there’s just something about you that can absolutely not be underestimated.  My alarm, set for 8:30, went off at the appropriate time, but, being very intelligent, I decided to keep it on the bedside table.  This, of course, led to the inevitable turning off of said alarm, followed by four more hours of un-planned sleep.  Luckily, there were only several thousand square feet I could access all day on Sunday, so the extra sleep was not a loss at all.

After a shower, I took my talents, which the day previous, had been very near South Beach, to the Lido deck.  Poolside, I enjoyed a cheeseburger and the on-ship band Charlie and the Hal-Cats.  The Hal-Cats played some classic tunes, with the wonderful Caribbean twist of a steel drum player.  After my lunch, I made my procession to the Crow’s nest for Team Trivia Challenge.  The Challenge was hosted by cruise director Jason, and I came across a bit of a connection to home.  Two of my team members in this day’s challenge are freshmen at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville.  Our team name was the Vols, as another member of our team was once a UT student, and because of my ties to the state.  The mighty Vols were a jaw, Monica, and Luxembourg away from winning the challenge and the much-coveted Holland America keychains.  Despite our loss, we did finish in third place, as a part of a series of three teams, right next to each other, finishing in the top three.

The rest of the afternoon I spent idling around the ship (this had already seemed to have become a favorite pastime) until it was time to come up to the room to prepare for formal night number one.  The attire for yours truly included a grey suit, complete with a blue oxford shirt and a black and red tie bought at Sears in Chattanooga the week previous.  There was a bit of a wardrobe mix-up, as the suit I was supposed to wear remained next door, and had holes all in the pants.  After a quick switch-a-roo with the paternal, we were each in the correct pants and jacket for our first set of formal pictures and then dinner.

A shrimp cocktail and Caesar salad started the entire family (except possibly Christopher, who I think might’ve been determined to be as different as possible from all of us, though he might have gotten at least the cocktail).  A surf and turf option was the entrée for the three oldest family members, a juicy fillet mignon matched with two prawns and a serving of whipped potatoes and assorted vegetables.  In the midst of dinner, we witnessed a magnificent sunset, and I had to excuse myself from the dining room for a time, so as to get some pictures from the Promenade deck’s walking track.  After a chocolate sundae for dessert, I accompanied the family for more formal portraits, followed by the Captain’s toast and the showcase performance for the 14-member stage cast of the ship.  The show was a nice revue of dance club varieties from the past, and the costuming, sets, and choreography were spectacular.  Lastly, we settled into the piano bar for stage and screen music trivia; once again I finished near the top, but the family did not win.  The parents traveled back to the stateroom, while I spent some more time at the piano bar and then did some last ship roaming for the night.  A rocking ship proved oddly difficult to fall asleep on that night, but once I was out, it was an incredibly peaceful sleep.

Cruise Chronicles Day Two: Relaxation Comes

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I was assigned the third wakeup call, at 6:30 am (5:30 home time, some four hours after going to sleep).  After showering and a complimentary, yet worse-than-caf hotel breakfast, we were all ready to hit up the hotel shuttle bus to the airport, set to depart at 8:00.  On more than one occasion this morning, I made note that the previous time I had been awake at such early hours, I was in the midst of finishing a CP paper and pulling an almost-all-nighter.  So, after great effort by the entire family, working on more than a mild lack of sleep, there we all were, ready to be at the airport by 8:15.  But, the misfortune of the night before struck once again.  The Comfort Inn shuttle bus was broken down.  They were working on getting another hotel’s bus to take us.  Finally, after much frustration by all, the shuttle from Quality Inn got us to the airport.

Security at the Atlanta airport was as smooth, to quote Willie Gault, “as a chocolate swirl.”  The Hurdle four boarded their AirTran Boeing 717, sponsored by the Orlando Magic, at approximately 9:55 a.m., twenty minutes before departure time.  But, of course, our travels to Fort Lauderdale were not yet complete, so something else had to go wrong.  This time, the pilot had some computer failure, and had extra paper work to do as a result of it, so takeoff was delayed some forty-five minutes.  A beautiful pre-Spring day and XM radio made the flight itself enjoyable, once the plane left the ground.  Our scenic flight route gave us a view of Florida’s Gulf Coast from the time we flew over the Panhandle to our turn east over the Everglades.

Upon landing in Fort Lauderdale, we quickly proceeded to baggage claim, and hailed a taxi.  Cab number 443 took us directly to Port Everglades, where our ship, the M.S. Eurodam, was awaiting us at terminal number 26.  Boarding the ship was much simpler than two and a half years ago when we had three party members in wheelchairs, so we were on in a very decent amount of time.  However, they were trying to whisk us through at a frightening pace at times, causing my sleep-deprived temper to snap just the slightest bit.  We plopped into rooms 7028 and 7030 on the Rotterdam deck, and quickly made our way to the ninth deck, home of the Lido restaurants and pools.

After lunch, ship exploration commenced.  Christopher and I soon found the basketball court on deck, but not before many more had done the same.  Thus, we settled for a friendly game of mutual horrendousness at the ping pong table.  The horrendousness was capped off by, and ended with, a ping pong ball hit over the protective shield and down, down, down, presumably onto the dock.  We hit up the Lido pools next.  I spent most of this time relaxing in one of the four whirlpool hot tubs, Christopher, meanwhile, braved the frigid waters of the main pool.  The mandatory droll of the lifeboat drill followed, and I spent an hour or so on my own discovering the majesty that is the M.S. Eurodam.

Around the time of our departure, 5pm, I ventured onto one of the outside observational decks (well, all of them, really) to say farewell to the barely-visited city of Fort Lauderdale.  Shortly after was the first dinner in the Rembrandt dining room.  Smart casual night number one brought up great food and service.  Seated at table 132, our table attendant, Herry, was a blast from the past for the parents.  Herry was their dining steward on their last Caribbean cruise in 2006.  Tonight’s dinner selection included an Antipasto dish for me and the brother, a delicious garden salad with apples and green beans for all but Christopher, and a luscious Prime Rib for three of us, while Christopher once again differed with a Linguini dish.

After the dinner ended, I continued my explorations of the ship, accompanied this time by Dad, who wanted to burn off some of that incredible Holland America dinner.  Dad soon went off to sleep, while I did some more Eurodam discovery by myself.  I was soon through with that, and with it came the first of seven nights of restful, ocean-aided sleep.

Cruise Chronicles Day One: Delayed Beginnings

Well, boys and girls, it's been an interesting week, to say the least.  I will eventually get to you about that.  Poetry and stories will come for that.  But, for the next week, I will be treating you to a day by day account of my Spring Break cruise.  Today I begin with part one of nine, Friday the 11th.  Enjoy.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Well, coming off the high of the Night in Kenya, Thursday was pretty much a relative downer.  I mean, not like, uber-depressed, everything sucks downer, more like hangover from #epicwinning downer.  Anyway, so Thursday night’s sleep ended in a Friday morning wake-up and a leisurely morning.  CP was abbreviated, and during the class I learned that the parentals and brother unit were, shall we say, running the slightest bit behind on packing.

This allowed me to continue my state of leisure, as I gradually completed three loads of laundry and packed for the cruise.  In retrospect, I do feel a little impressed, yet disappointed in myself.  Whereas the family had spent all morning and a good deal of the afternoon frantically packing, I was able to pretty much procrastinate until they left around 2:50 (well, I didn’t stall that much, but I could have).  This start time was nearly three hours later than the noon departure originally intended by the Hendersonville crew.  To make matters worse for Dad (who I swear has about as much Adaptability as I have Discipline, so doesn’t like averting from original plans AT ALL) and the rest of the family, they got stuck in a massive traffic jam full of, as Christopher so wisely put it, “idiots being stupid.”  It was a quarter ‘til seven in the evening when my three cruising partners finally pulled into the lot beside Smith Hall.  I believe we were planning on being on the way to Atlanta by that time.

After stopping to use my lavatory and get my luggage loaded in the car, we were off to Jason’s Deli in Brookwood Mall to grab a bite or two of dinner.  A short trip to the Eagans’ house allowed my obnoxiously long hair to get a long-awaited and massive shearing, while we wished Will a happy belated first birthday.  Then, by nine-ish, we were out of Mountain Brook, heading out on I-20 towards Atlanta.

Oh, but the fun doesn’t stop there.  Somewhere along I-20, there was some major construction and/or rubber-necking, coupled by more “idiots being stupid” and a 55 mile-per-hour speed limit for a long stretch of road.  While the construction et al. probably only lasted for 5 miles or so (5 miles that took an hour or more), the 55 miles per hour limit remained until after we had entered Georgia.  At long, long, last, at right at two o’clock in the morning, Eastern Time, we made it to the Comfort Inn and Suites near the Atlanta airport.  All were in bed soon, though not all may have slept until some time later, dreading the 5-6:45 (depending on the person) wakeup call just a few hours later.

101 Things NOT to do...

Band Trip:  Friday Blog Post
Samford women won this morning, so we'll be hanging in Chattanooga until at least Sunday.  This will be fine, as long as said hanging doesn't include another trip to the good old Hamilton Place mall.  Last time I was there before today, was on some church trip a few years ago.  Mall security stopped a group of us and informed us, for the first time that night, that none of us was allowed to be in the mall without supervision of an adult.  The adult chaperones, until we had informed them of this incident, had no clue that the policy existed.

Fast forward to today.  We spent a mainly enjoyable afternoon in the mall, playing with puppies and haggling with virtual roller coaster ride employees.  However, one incident stood out far above the rest.

In the midst of our venture, the group I was in ascended an escalator.  Yours truly got on a little sooner than everyone else, hence he was some five steps ahead of the rest.  I decided it was best if I descended those five steps, on an upward-moving escalator, to rejoin my group.  About five minutes later, mall security approached us.  "We're going to have to ask you to leave," they said.  Absolutely confused as to what they were talking about, all five of us looked, probably looking completely dumbfounded, as the two security officers explained that I was "playing on the escalator" or some other such business.  I agreed to leave, and Jay offered to go with me, and the officers asked "where are you parked?" to which we responded that we were on a bus with about twenty or thirty others.  They let us go along, reluctantly, but these guys were legitimately going to kick me out of the mall for walking down five steps of an upward-moving escalator.  Thus we have all agreed that mall security at Hamilton Place is a little too uptight.

The rest of our mall adventure was spent stopping every two seconds and determining if our every action was risking our getting thrown out of the mall.  I have decided to compile a list, with a little help from my good friends Jason, Robin, Jay and Chris, of some of 101 wacky ways you might attract mall security.

1. Do not, whatever you do, touch handrails anywhere, on escalators, elevators, or staircases.
2. If you speak louder than a whisper, prepare to be cornered.
3. NO RUNNING.
4. NO SKIPPING.
5. NO POWER WALKING.
6. Don't step on the green tiles.
7. Don't step on the cracks.
8. No acting like a 13 year old escaping a "stalker", when you're clearly at least 17, and the "stalker" is one of your friends.
9. Don't play hide and seek in the shoe store.
10. Don't play freeze tag elsewhere in the mall.
11. If you're in a group, don't just stand.  That's loitering, a big no-no.
12. No finger guns.
13. Don't make any weird shapes with your hands, they can and will be taken as gang symbols.
14. Don't wear any clothing that can stereotype you.
15. Make sure to get everything you need from your food court restaurant that you will need, when you order your food.  Going back for a refill or Parmesan cheese makes you liable to be tased.
16. Do not stand out in anyway, act completely normal.
17. Show no shame in anything that you do, as long as it complies with rule 16.
18. DO NOT make eye contact with mall security.  They WILL ask you to leave immediately.
19. Do not make conversation with mall security officers, unless spoken to first.
20. Do not feed a dog in the pet store paper.  Said dog will get cancer, die, and you will be apprehended for trespassing.
21. No backwards walking.
22. Don't play tag in Barnes and Noble.
23. No cards.  If you are playing cards, they will be confiscated, and you will be banished from Tennessee for life.
24. Don't smile or laugh.  You're automatically up to something if you do so.
25. Texting equals plotting to take down the government.
26. Talking on the phone is equal to an actual terrorist attack.
27. Any sort of joke is uncalled for.
28. Do not ride any of the kiddie rides.
29. Don't stuff five people into a photo booth.
30. Don't touch the pillow pets.
31. If you look over the balcony, you're a sexual predator.
32. Do not look out of the elevator.
33. No strange accents.
34. Five is right out.
35. No physical contact of any kind with others.
36. Do not abruptly stop in your tracks in front of a moving person.
37. Don't get in the way of the train.
38. Don't touch the train.
39. Don't ride the train.
40. Don't jump on the train.
41. Any other action with the train is strictly prohibited.
42. If you walk into Build-A-Bear, you will be considered a pedophile and apprehended.
43. No hats, sunglasses, or wristwatches allowed.
44. Don't injure your elbow on the ceiling while jumping.  Chris Rester did this, and now he only has half an arm.
45. You are not allowed to check the maps.
46. If you are caught mocking any of these rules, or those who enforce them, your punishment will be severe.
47. If you ask for a receipt, you will be stoned.  With actual stones.  Not drugs.
48. No playing with the sound-making books in the bookstore.
49. Do not read the children's books about chickens.
50. Don't sing.
51. Don't dance.
52. No whistling.
53. No humming.
54. Imitation of cows is illegal.
55. In a large group, each person must not pay in twenties when food is less than twenty dollars.
56. Don't use metaphors.
57. Pick up the birds in the pet shop, and you will surely die.
58. Don't jump over the balcony.  Like, seriously, the mall cops will be on you like a freaking spider monkey.  It's that bad.
59. Don't take pictures.
60. No Bon Qui Qui impressions.
61. Using those penny drop things?  Not a good idea.  Mall security will make you leave, and take your money.
62. Do not speak Spanish in the mall.
63. If you walk into Hot Topic in a white shirt, you will look out of place, and thus be out of compliance with rule number 16.
64. Do not look at the Florida shirts in the sports store.  Not only will your eyes burn out of their sockets, you will be dismissed from the mall.
65. Inside jokes are considered bomb threats.
66. Don't say that Osama Bin Laden is working in Auntie Anne's.  One, Hamilton Place doesn't have an Auntie Anne's, two, Osama's in Taco Bell.  Mall Security will immediately take you there to be "disposed of".
67. Do not take more than one free sample from the Chinese place.
68. Multiple toothpicks is an egregious offense.
69. Don't get a massage.  Massages are a sign of rebellion.
70. Don't push open the automatic sliding doors, however slow they're going.
71. Don't wave at the security cameras, which are all over the place.
72. You know, it's probably best not to wave at all.
73. Sears cart in the food court:  HUGE no-no.
74. Sears cart plus child in the food court:  HUGER no-no.
75. If you lose the game, you better not announce it.
76. If you don't announce that you lose the game, you will be breaking the rules of the game, which is not allowed in the mall.
77. Don't get Dr. Pepper stains on your white polo.  You will be escorted from the premises of the mall immediately.
78. Shooting items into a trashcan like a basketball is not allowed.
79. No folding napkins into paper airplanes.
80. No napkin origami, either.
81. Don't Rick Roll anyone.
82. Don't put your money together with others to buy a cookie cake.
83. Never check your wallet while walking.
84. Don't let the rabbit nibble your finger.
85. Do not clap.
86. Do not snap.
87. Do not nap.
88. Do not rap.
89. Do not tap.
90. Do not yap.
91. Do not sap.
92. Do not slap.
93. Ripping of paper is strictly prohibited.
94. Don't play stupid ninja game in the food court.
95. Don't jump in the fountain.  There isn't a fountain, and you'd get a values violation anyway.
96. Don't throw a frisbee in the mall.  Especially around the nonexistent fountain.
97. Do not spam Jay Jasper's Facebook profile, mall security will find you.
98. No flirting whatsoever.
99. Do not yell for another team at the SoCon basketball tournament, especially when your team's not even playing.
100. Standing on the bus is strictly not allowed.
101. Lastly, if you list 101 reasons to get kicked out of the mall, you will be excommunicated from the world, forever.

Wow.  What a list.  I'm surprised I got 101 different things.  Well, tomorrow's blog will come with more adventure from Chattanooga.  Possibly some basketball action, we'll have to see.

Until then,

-Clayton