The Super Bowl LII Drinking Game

Super Bowl Sunday is upon us, which means many of us will be gathering to "enjoy" watching the most hated dynasty in sports play a team from the home of the world's worst sports fans. In between those shenanigans will be dozens of disappointing high-budget ads that you've probably seen on YouTube already anyway, and a halftime show featuring 2007's biggest pop star trying desperately to remain relevant while pushing his overly underwhelming fourth solo studio album. 

Wait, did I say "enjoy?" Well shucks, none of what I just mentioned sounds enjoyable at all. Luckily for you, I have the perfect remedy for SuperSucky Sunday: THE OFFICIAL SUPER BOWL LII DRINKING GAME.

There's not much to it. Here's how you play:
-Take one shot for each offensive touchdown or field goal.
-Take two shots for each defensive or special teams score.
-Take three shots for each crappy new song Justin Timberlake performs from his crappy new album at halftime (who knows, might make you actually like his crappy new music. I doubt it though.)

And finally, down an entire fifth of your favorite liquor between the time the fans begin booing Roger Goodell and when Robert Kraft says "We are all Patriots" in the postgame celebration.

"SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY, OLD MAN!" -Drunk you to Bob Kraft, probably. (USA Today)

Hardcore mode - drink for every:
-Cris Collinsworth sensationalization
-NBC Olympics promo
-"Dilly Dilly!"
-And for multi-generational Super Bowl parties, every time a Super Bowl ad uses a millennial celebrity that Baby Boomers don't know, and vice versa.

Have fun tonight, my fellow Americans. Maybe by the time the Super Bowl and this drinking game both end, our pain will be dull enough to bear another long, terrible off-season in which New England yet again rules the football world.

*Disclaimer 1: I will not be playing my own Super Bowl drinking game, because I'm a responsible adult now (or at least, that's what I'm trying to convince people).

*Disclaimer 2: This game was completely made in jest, so don't take it too seriously. If you're drinking tonight, do so responsibly and if you or a loved one is suffering from alcohol addiction PLEASE seek help, therapy or treatment.